Here is what love revealed to me today…..There is no end to how deeply this surrender goes. Every new thing that comes into my life just becomes the next thing to surrender into. As each layer of life adds on to the next the depth of surrender emerges.
Over the past week I have had massive breakthroughs in my eating habits and other habits that have felt so elusive, difficult to maintain or required a lot of effort to hold in place.
Now the next level of surrender has been revealed around how I have done work throughout the day. It’s time to surrender into how I do work so these control patterns can be released.
The paradigm of control continues to crumble in my life. I see so clearly the fundamental flaw in the whole PMA and Personal Development approach to living.
The fundamental flaw in these paradigms is the control they attempt to give someone over their thoughts, feelings, and actions with the promise that you will create the life of your dreams and accomplish all of your goals. And while you can create the life of your dreams and accomplish all of your goals you create a prison of control for yourself in the process.
I had created the life of my dreams traveling the world with a beautiful woman, running three different companies, living life how I wanted. But I was on a spinning hamster wheel that I couldn’t get free from.
Being in prison for 19months freed me from my own personal cage of control.
Another way has slowly emerged. A way that begins with the willingness to let it all go. A way that allows life to bring you all that you desire without the prison of control.
The Universe has been unrelenting in wanting me to surrender it all. This path required the willingness to face every fear I have had, the willingness to surrender to the possibility of every outcome, and the willingness to let go of everything that I have loved and valued. But this is the path I chose. This is why I am here.
I feel like I am being pulled into a vortex where everything I desire is being drawn toward me and all that I have to do is to continue to surrender and be willing to let it all go as it comes to me.
It is paradoxical and counter-intuitive from all that the Success and Personal Development Paradigm has taught me. Instead of controlling my thoughts and feelings to manage my states so that I can maintain a powerful state of being, completely surrender, let go into life, where I am free to think whatever I think, where I am free to feel whatever I am feeling, where I am free to do whatever I do.
Its endlessly tiring to try to manage your vocabulary so you don’t say “but” or “try” or “can”. It’s endlessly tiring to continue to avoid or escape feeling sad, bored, lonely, or afraid through “State Change”. This for me was part of the hamster wheel because if I slowed down or stopped trying to manage my states a lifetime of unfelt and avoided emotion was there. And if I didn’t continue to perform, succeed, hit new heights, then who would I be….a failure? the norm? average?
I was taught not to be average, not to settle for the norm, not to fail, not to make mistakes and I felt like I had to keep the hamster wheel going or this is what I would become.
Now as I slowly rebuild my life from a place of power and not force, from a place of surrendered will not force of will the depth of freedom I am experiencing continues to expand.
I discovered a depth of freedom in prison that I had never known on the outside. This freedom continues to expand the more deeply I surrender and it infiltrates every aspect of my being, as it penetrates every cell of my body.
Surrender has brought me the freedom I have always desired. “I love you” and loving my inner child so deeply has enabled me to feel safe enough and loved enough to surrender into life.